An Angel's Trauma
by Krystina
Summary: As Kelly recovers physically from being shot, she also has to deal with the mental traumas that can be associated with being shot twice. This takes place immediantly after the series finale.
1. The Morning After

Disclaimer - I do not take credit for the characters Kelly, Kris, Julie, Charlie and Bosley. These characters are the creation of Aaron Spelling Productions. I have created all other characters that appear in the story.  
  
Kelly Garrett lay in her hospital bed, still groggy from the day before. The truth was, she didn't remember much of what had happened, even the first few hours after she regained consciousness were still a blur. She did remember telling Kris, Julie and Bosley to go home however, but that was at least two hours after her brush with death. Kris was supposed to stop by sometime that day though, and Kelly suspected that if her perception of time was accurate, then Kris would be arriving any second. Being in the ICU still, Kelly was limited as to how many visitors she could have at a time, so Kris, Bosley and Julie had decided to visit at separate times until she was moved to another room.  
  
Even though she had only been there for a day, Kelly was starting to get restless. She was tired of starring at the ceiling and the wall, but the discomfort was too great if she turned in the direction of the bullet wound. Her doctors were constantly telling her to rest though, so she closed her eyes hoping the discomfort would go away if she could just fall asleep. No matter how long she lay there with her eyes closed, however, she only managed to sleep after one of the nurses gave her a sedative to force her to. The truth was, every time she closed her eyes, she was afraid that the few images she remembered from the day before would come screaming back to her. All Kelly wanted was to recover and move on with her life, but she couldn't do that unless she forgot about what had happened.  
  
Before she even had the chance to sleep, however, the door to her room opened and Kris walked in carrying a vase of flowers, which she placed down on the table. Trying to be polite, Kelly made an attempt to sit up in the bed, but moving that far up caused the room to start spinning, and her head to pound more then it already was. Kris sensed her discomfort, too, and therefore placed her hand on Kelly's arm in an attempt to stop her.  
  
"No, it's ok Kel., don't move." Kris said. Immediately, Kelly relaxed as she briefly closed her eyes, hoping that that would at least stop the room from spinning. "So how are you feeling?" Kris asked.  
  
"Ok, I guess. My head feels like it was run over by a cement truck, but other then that I feel ok."  
  
"Maybe the doctor can give you something to make you a little more comfortable. I can ask him if you want?"  
  
"No, that's ok. All he's going to do is give me another sedative." Kelly responded. Despite the pain, she would do anything to avoid the feeling of helplessness that the sedatives had on her.  
  
"Well, the flowers are from myself, Julie, Bosley and Charlie. We thought they would brighten up the room a little."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
They talked for several more minutes after that, but after awhile, Kelly had lost all of her energy, and just keeping her eyes open had become a challenge, despite the fact that sleeping was the last thing that she wanted to do. 


	2. Time to Think

She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but when she woke up, Kris was gone and she was once again in the room by herself. Before she had left, though, Kris had poured some of the ice chips into a cup and then placed the cup on the night stand where Kelly could reach it without much effort. By the time she woke up, most of the chips were melted but Kelly rather it that way, especially when her mouth was as dry as it was then. After taking a sip from the cup, she placed it back down on the night stand, before making a second attempt to sit up a little in the bed. It wouldn't have been so bad if only the room didn't start spinning every time she moved that much. Trying to overcome it, she closed her eyes as she pushed herself up. Right as she was doing so, however, the door to the room opened and Dr.Jackson walked in.  
  
"Someone's getting a little antsy I see" he commented as Kelly relaxed again.  
  
"I just wanted to see the room from a different perspective, that's all."  
  
"Well maybe this will help." After he said that, he walked over to the side of the bed and pressed a button on the controller, which moved the back of the bed up just enough so that Kelly was sitting up. "So how do we feel today?"  
  
"Tired mostly."  
  
"Good, that's normal. How's the pain?"  
  
"Bearable." Kelly lied.  
  
"You're not saying that to avoid being given another sedative, are you?" Dr. Jackson asked while he checking her blood pressure.  
  
"No, I'm fine. So how much longer before I can go home?"  
  
"Let's see. I want to keep you here in the ICU for at least another day, and I want you to spend at least a day or two in recovery before I give you the ok to go home."  
  
"So basically, I'm stuck here for another 3 days."  
  
"Not too bad, considering you were brought in here with a bullet lodged in your head, you underwent brain surgery, and you've only been here for 2 days." Dr. Jackson replied. Kelly knew he had an indisputable point, she was lucky to be going home at all. "If you decide you want a sedative for the pain, just page one of the nurses. I'll be back before I go home tonight to check in on you."  
  
"Thank you doctor." With that, Dr. Jackson wrote something down on her chart before he left the room. Kelly was glad to be sitting up, without the spinning room effect, but that didn't change the amount of pain that she was actually in. She hated the idea of going back to sleep, but without anything better to do, she really didn't have any other choice, especially since that was the only time that the pain was at its minimum.  
  
After adjusting the pillow behind her head, she closed her eyes and just allowed her mind to wander, and explore any thoughts that she had. A part of her wanted to remember exactly what had happened, mostly so she could figure out what she had done wrong, but the other part of her just wanted to forget it. She knew lingering on the memories would slow her recovery, but after being shot twice in only a period of five years, she was desperate to figure out how to avoid it from happening again. The two events were too different to be compared though, and Kelly knew that although the first shooting had been purely accidental, this time it wasn't. She had been wanted dead, and if Bosley hadn't been there, she would probably be dead. 


	3. Getting Better

The next day, Kelly was moved to a recovery room, and was scheduled to stay there for just a day or so as a precaution. Her doctor's biggest concern now was that she would develop an infection, and they wanted to keep an eye on her to make sure that if that did happen, they would be able to stop it quickly. He had switched the bandage though to make her look less like a revolutionary war solider, and it gave her a chance to have her hair washed for the first time in several days, despite the fact that it had to be done in a sink by a nurse.  
  
Later that day, Kris and Julie stopped by after work to visit her, and to drop off some fruit that Kelly had asked them to pick up for her. Kelly wasn't a fan of hospital food, but knew that she couldn't go one or two more days without eating, so she had Kris pick her up some apples and oranges to get her through the next few days.  
  
"Hey.you look good, that whole revolutionary war look really wasn't for you." Julie stated.  
  
"Thanks. I feel pretty good too." Kelly replied. Now that she was moving around more, she didn't get lightheaded half as often. The pain was still there, but at least she could get out of bed without the room spinning.  
  
"I brought the fruit that you wanted. I also checked your fridge and made a list of things that you need at home. I'll pick them up for you before they discharge you." Kris added.  
  
"You don't have to do that Kris."  
  
"Don't worry about it Kel. It's no problem, it was just a few items."  
  
"So has the doctor decided when he's letting you go home?" Julie asked.  
  
"Maybe tomorrow, but it'll probably be more like the day after tomorrow. He likes to be cautious."  
  
"Can you blame him? We all just want to make sure you're ok." Kris said.  
  
"I'm fine. So how are things at the office going? Did you finish that case yet?"  
  
"We're close to it. We'll probably finish the paper work tomorrow morning. Don't worry about work though Kel. We've got everything under control."  
  
"I need something to think about, don't I? So was my theory right?"  
  
The conversation continued from there for several more minutes before a nurse came in with a sedative for Kelly. Despite insisting that she could handle the pain, Dr. Jackson had prescribed one shot every evening for as long as she was in the hospital to force her to sleep. After she got the shot, Kris and Julie decided it would be a good time to leave, being that Kelly would be falling asleep very shortly. Kelly promised to call them the next morning, however, to let them know if she needed a ride home or not. As she was falling asleep, however, she found herself thinking about that day again, and she knew that that would only lead to more nightmares. 


	4. Homecoming

After debating with her doctor, it was decided that Kelly could go home the next day, so she made arrangements for Kris to pick her up after she finished work. There was no doubt that Kelly was thrilled to finally be leaving the hospital. After five days, she was tired of spending all day in bed, and with nothing to do. At least at home, she could keep her mind busy and maybe even keep it off of what had happened.  
  
Kris got there around 4:30, and quickly packed all of Kelly's flowers into her car. After the last bunch was carried out, Kelly stood up from the bed with her bag and walked over to the door to wait for Kris to come back. She was supposed to be wheeled out, but if Kelly could help it, she was going to walk. Of course, Kris insisted that Kelly sit down in the wheelchair, though, and Kelly knew that that would be one fight that she would not win. After signing her discharge papers, Kelly took the pamphlets about recovery from the nurse before Kris pushed her to her car. As soon as they reached the parking lot, however, Kelly stood up and insisted on walking to Kris's car, instead of having Kris pull it up to the doors.  
  
When they arrived at Kelly's house a few minutes later she wasn't surprised to see Bosley's car parked on the street. By choosing Kris to pick her up, she knew that Bosley and Julie would have to plan something to show how glad they were that Kelly was finally home.  
  
After walking into the house, Kris urged Kelly to head straight for the kitchen, instead of putting her bag down in her room. Although curious as to why, Kelly chose not to argue and instead, she walked into the kitchen where she found Julie and Bosley waiting, Bosley standing at the stove undeniable making something for dinner.  
  
"You're not suppose to be here yet. You said 5:30 on the phone last night." Julie remarked as she gave Kelly a hug hello.  
  
"Kris was early, and I wasn't going to sit in that room for a second more then I had to." Kelly replied as she gave Bosley a hug as well.  
  
"Well sit down, we have a surprise for you." Julie said as she pulled out a chair for Kelly.  
  
"No, I'm tired of sitting and laying and everything else I've been doing for the past five days. So does this surprise have anything to with why I can't go into my room?"  
  
"Maybe. You should just go see for yourself. Look in the living room." Kris tried to explain. Confused, Kelly walked around the corner and was shocked to find Sabrina sitting on her couch. Thrilled, the two friends hugged, Sabrina extremely happy to see her friend alive and walking around.  
  
"Bri, what are you doing here! Where's your husband, and you're son?" Kelly asked.  
  
"At home, I flew here by myself. What about you though? How are you feeling?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Are you sure.I mean.I was really worried about you Kel. Kris called me that night, and told me that you almost died. I freaked. I kept thinking, could it really be happening again? Could you really have been shot again, and in the head?"  
  
"Well, I didn't have fun either. Who knows, maybe my head will be bulletproof now.after two bullets, something's bound to happen. Maybe the next one will bounce off." Kelly tried to joke. It worked to, because Sabrina was at least smiling now.  
  
"Or you could just avoid the third. Maybe move out of the way."  
  
"What fun would that be? So how long are you here for?"  
  
"A week, maybe two." Sabrina responded.  
  
"We were kind of thinking that Bri could stay with you Kel. That way you can take it easy, or at least have someone to talk to if need be." Julie explained to Kelly.  
  
"It will be like when we were at the academy, minus the 5:30AM wake up calls and the torturous workouts." Sabrina added.  
  
"Ok, but not so that you can take care of me. Other then being a little tired, and maybe occasionally light headed, I'm fine."  
  
"Deal. So how much longer before dinner's done Bos.?"  
  
"Maybe another five minutes. I'm just waiting for the potatoes to finish boiling. Why don't you all sit down at the table and I'll bring it out to you when it's ready." Bosley suggested. As Kris, Julie and Sabrina started walking over to the table, however, Kelly just stood there for a second before picking her bag up and walking over to her bedroom.  
  
"I'll be right there. I just want to put my bag into my bedroom." Kelly told them before walking into the bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Finally alone, she placed the bag on top of the bed before sitting down on it herself. She didn't want the other's to know it, but her head was pounding, and she was starting to feel lightheaded. Needing a moment to herself, she put her head in her hands as she closed her eyes, grateful that the pain was starting to diminish. After allowing her body and her mind a few minutes to relax, she then slowly stood up before walking over to the door. As she passed by her mirror however, she noticed the bandage and realized that she had yet to see how bad the scar actually was. Curious, and a little scarred, Kelly pulled back the tape on one side before slowly starting to lift up the bandage. Just as she was about to reveal the scar, however, she heard a knock on her door. Startled, she quickly taped the bandage back down before opening the door, not surprised to find a concerned Sabrina standing there.  
  
"Hey, everything ok?" Sabrina asked.  
  
"Yeah. I just wanted to put something away, that's all." Kelly replied as she walked out the door, shutting it behind her. She knew that Sabrina didn't believe her, but for the time being, she was pretending to accept it. About an hour after dinner, however, Kelly could feel the energy being drained from her, and she could feel her head to start to pound again. Realizing that she was suppose to be taking it easy still, she said her good nights before she went back into her bedroom. Not having the energy to do much, she quickly got ready for bed before lying on the mattress as she tired to forget about the pain. Whether it was because of the comfort of her own bed, or just the thought of being home, Kelly wasn't sure, but for the first time in days, she was able to fall into a deep sleep, without the fear of waking up startled, or the help of drugs. 


	5. Taking it Easy

The next morning, Kelly woke up feeling better then she had ever since the shooting. Her head didn't hurt, and she could feel the energy building up inside of her. Best of all, her dreams of that day were less intense then they had been, meaning that Kelly could wake up and not be trembling. Not wanting to waste a second, she got out of bed and put her bathrobe on before walking out into the kitchen where Sabrina was sitting at the table working on a crossword puzzle.  
  
"Good morning." Kelly said.  
  
"Good morning. I was just about to check in on you to make sure you were still breathing. I don't think I've ever known you to sleep in this late before." Sabrina replied, obviously a little concerned.  
  
"Why, what time is it?" Kelly asked. She hadn't looked at the clock in her room, but she didn't think it was much past 10.  
  
"11:30."  
  
"I guess I was more tired then I thought." Kelly replied as she began to make herself some tea.  
  
"So how are you feeling?"  
  
"Good. I actually feel better then I have in a while."  
  
"It's probably because you're home. It's a lot more comfortable of an environment."  
  
"Probably." Kelly said before taking her mug and sitting down at the table with Sabrina. She couldn't help but to feel lazy, since it was almost noon and she hadn't yet showered or gotten changed, but she forced herself to believe that it was all a part of taking it easy.  
  
"Well if you feel like going out, I was going to go up to my dad's for a quick visit in a little bit. You're free to come with me if you'd like." Sabrina offered.  
  
"No thanks. I think I'm just going to stay here today and take a long shower before relaxing."  
  
"Ok. Jill called earlier this morning though. She asked to have you call her back. I wrote the number down."  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"Germany I think. She said not to worry about the time zones though. Do you need anything while I'm out?" Sabrina added as she stood up.  
  
"No. Why don't you take my car though? It hasn't run since Julie drove it back here for me last week. The keys should in the top drawer over there."  
  
"Ok. I'll be back in a little bit." Sabrina said before getting the keys and walking out the door. Kelly didn't mind Sabrina's company, but she knew that she was worried about her, and she liked having some time to herself. After finishing her tea, she placed her mug in the sink before going into the shower, being careful not to get the bandage wet, however. Then, after throwing on an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, she sat down on the couch closest to the phone, and dialed the number that Sabrina had scribbled onto the notepad. At first, the phone rang several times without anyone answering, and Kelly began to assume that Jill was sleeping. Then, on the sixth ring, Jill picked up on the other end.  
  
"Hallo?"  
  
"Hi Jill, its Kelly. I didn't wake you did I?" Kelly asked. Although she had been told not to worry about the time zones, Kelly was still afraid that she would be waking Jill up.  
  
"No, don't worry about it Kel. So how do you feel." Jill asked.  
  
"Not too bad. I seem to feel a little bit better every day."  
  
"That's good. I was going to come out there to see you, but it was too late to get out of the races that I've been in all week. And then whenever I tried to call you at the hospital, the nurses always told me that you were either sleeping or with the doctor."  
  
"Yeah. It seemed that if they weren't poking at my head, then they were always trying to get me to relax." Kelly remarked.  
  
"Obviously they don't know you very well. Not even a bullet in your head can stop you." Jill joked. As soon as she finished saying it however, she noticed Kelly get unusually quiet, almost as if the statement had bothered her. "So you're doing ok?"  
  
"Yeah. I still get tired a lot, but considering what could have happened, I'm doing fine."  
  
"I'm glad. I'm coming out there in two weeks to spend some time with Kris; we'll have to get together. When are you going back to work?" Jill added. The truth was, she was really going out there to see Kelly, but Kris had seemed to think that it would be better if Jill just say that she was coming to see her.  
  
"My doctor hasn't really decided when I can go back yet. He seems to think that I may be able to go in sometime next week, as long as I limit myself to just paper work."  
  
"Well, Bosley always did want an assistant."  
  
"He just has to remember that it's just temporary." Kelly remarked. She still wasn't sure if she even wanted to return to work, but for as long as she only had to sit at the desk, nobody else had to know that.  
  
The conversation didn't last much longer, mostly because it was late where Jill was, and she wanted to get some sleep. As Kelly hung up the phone, however, she couldn't help but to be amazed by how much these people cared about her. None of them were related to her, yet they were all acting like they were. There was Bosley, Kris and Julie who had camped out in the hospital waiting room that night, all so that they could be there whenever she woke up, or worse, whenever her time was up. There was Sabrina and Jill who were willing to put there own lives on hold to come be by her side. Then there was Charlie who not only called her every day and risked being seen by them, but also arranged it so that the nursing staff was told that he was her father, just so that he could be by her side when she got out of surgery. They had all gone beyond being her friends, and yet none of them seemed to realize it. In a way, Kelly expected them to show her that they cared, but she never realized that they would go to such extremes. 


	6. Perfect Health

For the rest of the week, Kelly spent most of her time lying around, not really wanting to do much, and always afraid that when she closed her eyes, she would have another nightmare. Sabrina was only able to convince her to leave the house twice, but the entire time, she was trying to get Kelly to talk to her, with no success. Kelly wasn't ready to talk to anyone about what had happened, not even to her best friend.  
  
A week after being home, Sabrina drove Kelly to her doctor's office for a follow up appointment, and hopefully to have the stitches removed. When Dr. Jackson pulled back the bandage, however, Kelly made every attempt possible not to catch her reflection in the mirror. The only time she was able to work up the courage to see the scar had been her first night home, and even then she hadn't caught a glimpse.  
  
Once the stitches were removed, and a single, less obvious band-aid had replaced the bandage, Dr. Jackson then did a neurological check-up, mostly to make sure that her motor skills and reflexes were working. Kelly was growing tired of being asked to follow his finger with just her eyes, and to touch her nose, but she also knew that they had a purpose. When he told her that she was perfectly healthy, however, Kelly began to worry about other things that were to come.  
  
"So does this mean I can start driving again?" Kelly asked.  
  
"I can't see why not. Just pace yourself, remember that you're body is still recovering and you might still get light headed on occasion. Also, although you can go back to work, I suggest letting someone else catch the bad guys for a little while. For the first week or so, stick to the paper work." Dr. Jackson replied.  
  
With that, Kelly made one final appointment for a month from then before meeting up with Sabrina in the waiting room. Although Kelly's news of being practically completely healed excited Sabrina, it terrified Kelly. At least when she was fragile still, she had a reason not to leave her house, or not to go to work. Now she would be expected to pick up where she left off, and pretend nothing had happened. The only problem was, Kelly didn't think she could do that. 


	7. Terror

For the entire week after that, Kelly woke up every morning trembling from the nightmares. She had insisted that Sabrina fly home to be with her husband and her son, but that didn't mean that Kelly didn't miss having someone around that she could at least consider talking to. Sabrina knew Kelly too well to believe all of the lies that she had told her about how she was though, and Kelly just couldn't get herself to talk to anyone about how she really felt. Instead, she went to work every day, helped Bosley with the paperwork, and then at night, she tried to figure out a way to get the nightmares to stop.  
  
Around midweek, however, Kelly had the most intense nightmare yet. As usual, she was back at the scene, talking to Joe Danworth, except this time, instead of Bosley being there, she was surrounded by hundred's of Danwoth's, all saying the same thing, and acting the same way. The scene played itself out just like it were from a movie, Kelly almost observing every word that she had said, except she still didn't anticipate him pulling out and shooting the gun, and she definitely didn't anticipate all of them doing the same. She could hear all of the shots echo through her head at once, and then she felt the pain crash over her like a tidal wave. At the same time, she could hear herself screaming, a scream so intense, yet nobody else seemed to hear it. Just as her body was crashing to the ground she could see blood covering the grass, and then realized that there was already a body there, her body. Blood was streaming from her head, yet her eyes were still open, a look of terror implanted in them. Just as her screams began to intensify with the fear and with the pain, Kelly jolted awake, still screaming as her heart pounded, and her lungs worked in overdrive. After pulling herself together, Kelly knew that she couldn't handle the nightmares for much longer. She had to do something, anything, to get them to stop, even if that meant quitting her job.  
  
A week later, Kelly was still struggling with the nightmares, but she was determined to not let it effect her work. When Charlie called Kelly at home, however, both to check up on her, and to see if she was ready to rejoin the action, she realized that she would have to make a decision, and then stick to whatever it was.  
  
"How have you been feeling lately Angel?"  
  
"Fine Charlie. Never been better." Kelly replied.  
  
"No lingering effects from what happened?"  
  
"No. I'm fine."  
  
"Well that's good. Listen angel, I have an assignment for you, outside of the office, but if you don't feel ready, you don't have to take it."  
  
"I'm ready Charlie. What is it?" Kelly forced herself to say.  
  
"The drug bust Kris and Julie have been working on, they've both been exposed by our suspects, but we still need some more evidence before we can send the police in. I want you to go and talk to them. Try to make a deal with them, anything that we can use to guarantee a conviction."  
  
"They haven't fled?" Kelly asked. Usually when criminals knew that the cops were onto them, they fled the country.  
  
"Not yet. We think they have a big deal at the end of the week, and their holding out to make sure it goes through. We have until then to make our case."  
  
"Ok. Just tell me where and when." After that, Kelly wrote down the address that she was supposed to go to and then hung up the phone. As soon as she did, however, she felt her stomach get tight, and her hands started to shake. For the first time in her professional career, Kelly was physically scared, and she was showing it. There had been many times when Kelly had been afraid, but never to the point where she was shaking.  
  
After gaining composure, Kelly then picked up her purse and opened it to make sure that she had her gun. Just looking at the same type of weapon that had almost taken her life twice caused Kelly to feel uneasy. Trying to remain professional, and more importantly, fearless, Kelly left her house, got into her car, and headed to the address that Charlie had just given her. She had been instructed to call the office when she got there, and then again when she was on her way back.  
  
The ride to that part of town didn't feel nearly as long as Kelly had hoped. Before she knew it, she was hanging up her phone, and getting out of the car, praying that her fear wasn't obvious. When she knocked on the door, however, she could feel the pain creeping back into her head, and her breathing became rapid and shallow, as images of that day ran through her head in an overwhelming manner. Kelly tried to suppress them, but the more seconds that passed, the harder her heart was beating, and she knew that terror had been implanted on her face. She was being overwhelmed by a panic attack, a condition that was foreign to Kelly. Knowing that her cover would be blown if the criminals saw her like that, though, she ran around the corner of the house, and ducked behind an overgrown bush, listening as the door opened and the guys looked around, trying to figure out who had been there.  
  
Once the coast was clear, Kelly sat down on the ground, as tears came to her eyes. She could feel the job that she loved slipping through her fingers, and she knew she had to either get over what had happened, or she would have to quit and move on to a new profession.  
  
Kelly never called to let the others know that she was on her way back. Instead, she drove around for a good two hours, ignoring her phone as it rang minute after minute, and then arrived back at the office, her composure re-gained. When she walked in, she could see just by their eyes that the others had been worried about her, and Kelly didn't blame them. She was worried about herself, too. Instead of answering the questions of where she had been, she simply sat down in front of the desk, dialed Charlie's number and then listened as the phone rang.  
  
"Is she there?" Charlie immediately asked. Apparently, he had been worried as well.  
  
"Yes Charlie, I'm here." Kelly replied. Now all she had to do was figure out how to say what she was there to say.  
  
"What happened Angel? Are you ok?"  
  
"I'm fine Charlie. I only came back to tell you that I'm resigning. I'll drop off my letter at the end of the week." Kelly finally blurted out. She had been considering resigning the entire time, but she hadn't gotten the courage to say it until she realized that she couldn't function at her job anymore.  
  
Kelly avoided the questions of shock and concern that followed, and instead, she simply said good bye before walking out the door, tears once again surfacing on her cheeks. Kelly wasn't a quitter, she had never been, but she knew that she couldn't do her job any more. 


	8. Pride and Uncertainty

Kelly didn't expect the others to understand, after all, she had never told them that she was afraid. Kelly had spent her entire life learning how to be strong and independent, so admitting that she had failed was proving harder then she originally thought. When she got back to her house, she expected to have messages on her machine, and she immediately deleted them when she saw that they were there. She didn't need to listen to them, she knew who they were from, and what they were about. After turning her answering machine off, she then disconnected her phone, all with the hopes that she could be alone.  
  
With a pad of paper in front of her, Kelly sat on her couch, trying to put the words together that would explain why she had quit. She hated the words fear and unable, but they were the only words that seemed to fit. Struggling, she looked on the table where she had placed her purse and noticed that her private investigator license had fallen out. She still remembered the day that her, Jill and Sabrina had passed the test, officially securing their jobs with Charlie. They had been naïve rookies then, three women just looking for some action, and some real police work. They never thought about getting shot, or being killed. In their minds, they would always be one step ahead, their guns always pointing in the right direction. Eventually, after Kelly was shot the first time, they realized that the danger was real, but even then they never thought anything would happen to them. After all, could a person really get shot twice in their career? Kelly knew that by staying, she would just be endangering Kris or Julie or Bosley, and that was why she had to leave now, before anyone else got hurt. They didn't need her freaking herself out when the stakes were high, making the potential for one of them getting shot even better.  
  
About a half hour after she had left the office, there was a knock on Kelly's door and she immediately knew who it was. With her phone unplugged, and the shock of her announcement, she knew the others would be worried about her, causing at least one of them to make sure she was ok. Her guess was it was Kris, so when she opened the door, she wasn't surprised to find Kris standing there.  
  
"Where have you been? We've been trying to call you ever since you left the office!?"  
  
"I unplugged my phone. I needed some time alone." Kelly responded.  
  
"Kel., what's going on with you! First you disappeared this morning, then you just appear out of no where, tell us you're quitting and now you unplugged your phone!"  
  
"Look Kris, I know this is all shocking to you, but its what I need to do. I gave it a lot of thought, and it's my decision."  
  
"What ever happened to not making rash decisions!? I thought you were suppose to give everything some time before you started changing your life?"  
  
"I did give it time. Just believe me when I say this is what I need to do." Kelly said, trying to convince Kris to stop giving her the third degree.  
  
"How am I suppose to do that Kel.? You're my best friend, not to mention my co-worker! I hoped that you would at least give me advanced warning before you announced that you were going to quit!"  
  
"Do you think this is easy for me! Do you think I put in 5 years of hard work here just to come in one day and quit! No!" Kelly was getting angry now, and it was apparent in her voice. She just wanted Kris to accept her decision, but it didn't look like that was going to happen.  
  
"What is it then! Maybe if you actually talked to someone, then maybe you could work everything out!"  
  
"I panicked Kris. I was standing at that house today, and I lost control of myself. I ran behind a bush and cried instead of doing my job! Are you happy now!?"  
  
"Why didn't you tell anyone that?"  
  
"Because it's not exactly something I want to announce to the city. I can't do my job anymore, I realize that, and I would rather be a quitter then put everyone else's lives in danger just so that I can pretend that I can."  
  
"If you talked to someone, maybe you wouldn't have to quit. Did you ever think about that? God Kelly, this entire time you've been pulling away from everyone, when we could have been helping you. I thought you trusted us?"  
  
"Of course I trust you! That has nothing to do with this."  
  
"Yes, it does! If you trusted us, then you would have talked to us. That was why Sabrina stayed here as long as she did, because she wanted you to talk to her! Instead you just bottled it all up as always. Haven't you realized yet that nothing's going to change unless you let other people know what you feel!" Kris boldly stated. She knew she was being harsh, but apparently, it was the only way that she could get Kelly to talk. When Kelly grew silent, however, she realized that Kelly still wasn't willing to talk. "You know what, fine, bottle your feelings up. Let them explode for all I care. We've been working our butts off to cover for you while you recovered, we even told you to take as much time as you needed! No body told you that you had to come back today, that was your decision, and if you weren't ready, then you should have told us!" With that, Kris walked back to her car as Kelly closed her door. Kris deserved to have the last word, mostly because she was right. If Kelly had talked to Sabrina, or even to Julie or Kris, then maybe she could have worked past it. Instead, she had kept it all to herself, and now she was not only terrified to return to that job, but she found herself back at a point of her life where she had no idea of what she was going to do, or how she was going to do it.  
  
Two days later, her resignation letter was written, and she faced the task of dropping it off at the office. She had not heard from any of them since her argument with Kris, and she expected that she wouldn't be hearing from any of them anytime soon. When she arrived at the building, she was relieved to find the other parking spaces open, implying that she would be the only one there. She had never been that nervous while walking up the stairs to the office, and even when she had placed the letter down onto the desk she could feel her heart beating faster. In the corner of her eye, she spotted her name on a piece of paper, and picked it up, curious as to what it said. She immediately recognized Julie's handwriting, but couldn't figure out how any of them would know that she would be there. Nevertheless, the note told her to call Charlie, so Kelly curled up on the chair as she dialed the number one final time.  
  
"Charles Townsend"  
  
"Hi Charlie. It's Kelly. I was just dropping my letter off, and I found Julie's note telling me to call you."  
  
"O good, she did leave it. I sent them to Mexico to work on a case yesterday, and I wasn't sure if she remembered to leave it. So how are you doing?"  
  
"Good." Kelly said before pausing. What Kris had said to her was echoing in her ears, and she realized that there was no reason to lie anymore. "Maybe not so good. I've been having some nightmares lately."  
  
"About what?" Charlie asked in a very fatherly way.  
  
"What happened. Normally it's the same scene, playing out before me over and over again, but sometimes it gets more intense."  
  
"What do you mean by normally? How many of these dreams have you had?"  
  
"At least one a night. Sometimes two. I've been having it less ever since I resigned. I think the stress of coming back to work were triggering them."  
  
"Is that why you quit Angel?"  
  
"No. I quit because I panicked. I'm always afraid now Charlie. I keep thinking, if the first time I got shot was an accident, and the second time I barely escaped with my life, then what's going to happen the next time?"  
  
"But Angel, you don't have to be working to get shot. If anyone should know that, it should be you."  
  
"I do know that Charlie. But when I am working, I'm increasing the potential of getting shot, and I can't do that anymore. I've been on enough of an emotional roller coaster as it is."  
  
"Then your decision is final?"  
  
"It has to be."  
  
"Because of what happened between you and Kris, or because of your fear?"  
  
"How do you know about what happened between me and Kris?"  
  
"She called me after she left your house. She's learned a lot from you Kelly. You've been a big influence in her life."  
  
"No I haven't. Jill taught her everything she knows, and it was Sabrina that took her under her wing when she was just starting out. I've just sort of been here."  
  
"You're not giving yourself enough credit Angel. She worked with you the longest. You taught her more then you think. Have you thought about what you're going to do now?"  
  
"A little. I thought maybe I could get into nursing, or counseling. I really want to keep helping people."  
  
"Well, if you need any help, don't hesitate to call. I'm always here for you if you need me."  
  
"I will. About the car, can I keep it until I get another job? That way I have a pay check to help me buy a new one."  
  
"Keep the car Kelly. Consider it my thanks to you for all the cases that you've solved for me. I'll also keep you on payroll until you land a new job."  
  
"You don't have to do that Charlie." Kelly protested. She wasn't trying to be ungrateful, she just hated the idea of being given charity.  
  
"I want to. You've had a tough life Kelly. You don't need anymore obstacles then you already have. Good luck."  
  
"Thank you Charlie." With that, she hung up the phone before taking a second to look around the office one final time. She had a lot of memories there, but now it was time to move on, and start a new chapter in her life.  
  
During the drive home, Kelly caught a glimpse of the band aide that was still on her forehead, and realized that she had never taken it off, in fear of what she would see underneath. Realizing that she couldn't avoid it anymore, Kelly went straight to her bedroom when she got home, and stood in front of her mirror, closing her eyes as she started to pull the band aide up. When it was completely off, Kelly took a deep breath before opening her eyes and seeing the small, barely noticeable scar that she had on the side of her forehead. It was no bigger then a small paper clip, and as long as her hair fell in a certain way, more then half of it was covered. In a way, that scar was a representation of why she had quit her job, and Kelly wondered if the size of it had anything to do with how sudden her decision had been. She hadn't even looked at the scar until after she had quit, yet it was the reason that scar was there that petrified Kelly into quitting.  
  
As she questioned her decision, Kelly sat down on her bed and started to think about the fight that she had had with Kris, and what Charlie had told her. Kelly had never thought about how much Kris probably had learned from her, if anything just because Kelly had always been there. She could understand how quitting could upset Kris now, because Kelly had always told Kris to keep going, no matter what happens, and yet now Kelly was going against her own advice. Maybe she was quitting, maybe she was giving up just because it had become too hard. Kelly wanted to believe that it was more then that, but she realized that it probably was not. If she had only talked to Sabrina while she had been there, or even if she had talked to Kris, or Julie or Bosley, then maybe Kelly could have worked past her fears. The truth was, Kelly would never know what could have happened. Her mind had been made up, and she had already told Charlie that she was resigning. She owed it to whatever pride that she had left to stick to her decision and to find a new career.  
  
~* The End *~ 


End file.
